Recycling – the Titflasher way

A friend of mine mentioned something about holding my coat whilst I took on Nadine Dorris and I thought a little in response.  Just lately, there have been a more than a few people deserving of some ire and bile and it occurred to me that rather than arguing with them or trying to change their view or even terminating them with extreme prejudice, far better for the environment and for all of us to recycle them…

So … my imagination went out on a little track all of its own and …

Michael Vick Recycled – dog food (very easy one)

Nadine Dorris Dorris (for my readers outside of the UK, she is a rather Sarah Palinesque-with-religion crusading MP who thinks that people on benefits are worthless and is dubious in the extreme) – a nicely printed handbook of womens’ rights and responsibilities.

People who batter their dogs when they displease them – hammers.

The American tit who has been posting pictures of him and his friends on facebook torturing and killing cats – I’d use their gut for violin strings and compost the rest (blood and bone meal being very good for vegetables).

The silly cow at the hotel who for some reason keeps trying to land me in it – well, I pictured her ironed flat and used as a pretty tablecloth.  With brass candlesticks on her.

The London rioters the police have yet to catch – their hands cut off and dipped in vegetable wax, to be used as 5 fingered candles.

Once I got into it, it became good fun …

The banker wankers – I recycled them into novelty refuse bins (after all the fine wine and food they have guzzled over the years, I could just see them standing in a row, with their mouths permanently open).

Tony Blair –he has always looked a bit like a ventriloquist’s dummy to me so …

Gordon Brown – would look good as a hearth rug, the ones you used to get years ago make of some poor animal’s head and pelt.  His face could even be modelled to look ferocious rather than dour.

And so my brain went on …

Thanks to A, I now have a new way of dealing with idiots … and it appears to have worked because after another encounter with the Beech, in which I was seeing her as this wonderful tablecloth and every time she annoyed me, I slammed those brass candlesticks down on what used to be her face … this morning I got a phone call … apologising :-D.

About titflasher

Writer, blogger, animal activist, people activist, dream-catcher maker, mommy to 9 cats and a roving band of foxes ... Blog name comes from my father's suggestion for the title of my autobiography ... after my mother's and my awful habit of flashing whenever the security police took our photo in the dark old days of apartheid South Africa. I love nature, including creepy crawlies and people, find life fascinating and frustrating and have two terrible weaknesses - nictotine and animals in distress ... can't abide the latter situation and can't give up the former. I'm Pagan but not anti-Christian, funny but quite serious, light-hearted but can be annoying. I am warm-hearted until someone p*sses on me too much, then I get soggy and even. Feel free to link me but all the words on these pages is copyrighted, so copy it and take the credit and I will find you and slap you upside the head, hard. The blog is probably best read via category as there is loads on here already, and I just got started :-)
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6 Responses to Recycling – the Titflasher way

  1. warriet says:

    √ especially the candlesticks bit(s)

  2. Pandora says:

    Yep, loving the candlesticks!

    Actually, though, in blogging terms, I’ve come to quite like Nadine Dorries*. She’s brought me an absolute fuckload of interactive blog hits recently, catapulting my very first rant on her to one of my most read posts 🙂

    (* Not really. I loathe the sad cow).

  3. sooz says:

    Marvellous idea. Can we recycle my partner’s ex-husband as a maximum absorbency tampon, please?

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