The past five weeks or so have passed in a blur of Life! Love! Work! Cats! Drama! People! But along the way, there are several things which have passed my lips which I never thought I’d hear …
1. It’s okay, we’re not the police
A man and a woman get out of what looks like an unmarked police car, walk purposefully up the path and knock on your door. You fearfully answer in broken English, denying any knowledge of the person they are looking for, Yes, that was us. Oops … Boobie the ex-police car still has that “Police persona” (it’s a total lie that when she passes emergency vehicles with their sirens on, she gets all excited, well … maybe, maybe not) and we did look a bit like a team … sorry poor lady who thought we were the cops … we haven’t yet found the person we were looking for but it’s just a matter of time …
Are you peeing on this, or eating it?
Me, to the cats, after Jaggie’s old owner gave me some cat biscuits as a thank you for looking after him, I put it in the hallway, forgetting that (a) Jaggie would help himself and (b) it was in Felix’s favourite pee spot … silly Mommi …
Knock-knock “XX organisation”, just checking the toilets, sir (for the hundredth time)
Nearly two years, I am still barging into men’s toilets to check the quality of the cleaning. I’ve seen more urinals than the average cottager, I’ve seen every single kind of behaviour in toilets (including a masturbating woman) and quite frankly, it’s time to move on …
Hello, RSPCA, can I leave a message for Inspector XX
Okay, I kind of expected I’d be ringing the same inspector (who incidentally, is brilliant) again sometime about the same set of people getting dogs, not treating them properly and wanting to then dump them … but honestly!!!!
Dear hoover, please, please, please work …
Not everyone can jam a hoover with a sock but I managed it. My only consolation is that a friend of mine did exactly the same on the same day. Not just me then … two broken nails and two wire coathangers later, it took two of us to take the thingiemahbub off the hosebit and retrieve the sock. Yes those are technical terms.
Do you really, really have to?
Okay, I expected to say this at least once a month but I’ve lost count of how many times it has passed my lips when:
(i) a clean litter tray means poop next to it
(ii) Merlin jumps down off the boiler and scatters everything on the counter all over the kitchen floor
(iii) Grumpy the Persian comes in covered in brick dust, bits of masonry and twigs (gods knows what he was doing)
(iv) Oscar plays his favourite autumn game of getting soaking wet, draping himself around my legs and then shaking like a dog. He’s a big cat and can hold a lot of water.
(v) Merlin jumps on my back for the umpteenth time except he now uses claws to grab hold of me rather than balance (being a little aged bless him).
(vi) Kitty decides that Grumpy is really not the sort of cat she wants to live with and stalks him, over and over again until we both lose patience with her.
Apparently, yes, they DO have to :).